For the longest time I was stumped when I read “Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.” Why would a gracious and loving God ask His advocate the Spirit to lead his beloved Son into an extended time of fasting and then repeatedly tempted by the devil? I mean what in the world is that all about? Where is the loving-kindness and compassion in that ask?

Literally for years this pissed me off. I couldn’t make the theology fit. I couldn’t make this passage ok with who I understood God to be. (And if I’m honest needed to understand God to be.) I was NOT interested in believing in a God who led his people much less his beloved child into the wilderness, leaving him hungry for days on end and then repeatedly tempted by the devil. I can feel it in my body now just thinking of it this way all over again. YUCK!!!!! It makes me want to throw up. 

Quite organically recently I’ve wondered maybe the repeated tempting even while fasting is not a punishment but rather an opportunity to see one’s strength in God. We all know that what we say is one thing; what our actions clarify is another. It’s one thing for Jesus to be baptized in the Jordan, be called God’s beloved and affirm how pleased God is with him. And, then Jesus himself has no actual “knowing” of what these words, this blessing means. 

Maybe the Spirit led him in the wilderness to show him just how strong he is through and by his baptism, belovedness, and affirmation. Maybe his time in the wilderness showed Jesus the fullness of his Baptism; maybe it gave him confidence, brought alive his muscle memory and backbone. Maybe his baptism made full by his time in the wilderness was making whole the incarnation of a loving God. And, it is in that fullness, wholeness and depth that Jesus then starts his ministry in the world not only with his head and words but also with his actions, the way of his being in the world, the way in which he carried himself knowing the depths of God’s blessing and strength upon and within him.

Jesus being Jesus likely didn’t need all this affirmation, muscle memory and confidence. And, let’s remember Jesus likely didn’t “need” any of the experiences he had for his own experience; his life and ministry was about role modeling for us humans what WE NEED. How we are to rely on a loving God. By moving through Scripture and living our own wilderness season of Lent we learn from Jesus’ example of how we are to meet the temptations in our life and receive the full blessing of our baptism, how we are already whole in our relationship with God.  

We are baptized into belonging, we are marked and sealed as Christ own forever, we are reminded of the birthright of grace that God pours love and favor into us and our lives with no work or merit of our own. When we experience how empowered we are in God, our hearts and our backbone become very, very strong in a way we could never know or appreciate simply in our heads. The full on experience (mind, body, soul, heart) of being tempted and witnessing our capacity in Christ is what our loving God is after. Are we willing to acknowledge what tempts us to put something, anything before our loving God? Are we willing to show up and test our strength, practice courage and see just how whole we are in God? 

Let’s take this week’s example of Nicodemus. His conversation with Jesus gives a powerful insight into how we are to live out our discipleship- it requires not only the baptism of the Holy Spirit, it requires living in the Spirit day in and day out. Letting go of control and allowing the wind to take us where She chooses. 

Nicodemus we know is a leader of the Jews, a Pharisee none the less. I think it’s interesting that he comes and talks to Jesus as night. Nicodemus wants something from Jesus. What does he want risking coming to him at night? Why does he put himself in danger by addressing the threat? Maybe he can’t help it. Maybe his curiosity cannot resist. Maybe like those on the walk to Emmaus his heart is burning within him. He has to lean in and talk to Jesus. 

Jesus is talking to him about being born from above. It confuses Nicodemus as it would/does confuse most of us. Nicodemus tries to figure out what Jesus is saying spiritually with a physical, fleshy, earthy mind. “Can one enter a second time into the mother’s womb and be born?” Jesus replies with more spiritual talk… “No one can enter the kingdom of God without being born of water and Spirit. What is born of flesh is flesh, and what is born of Spirit is spirit.” 

I used to see this in black and white thinking- we’re either born of flesh making us flesh OR we’re born of Spirit making us spirit. We can either think things through in earthly ways or we can understand things through the lense of the spirit. Today I read this as a powerful example of both/and. We are both made of flesh (no denying that!) AND we are born of the spirit. The question becomes can we allow ourselves to live in the tension of both being human and honoring being born of water and the Spirit. Can we live in a way that honors we are baptized in the water of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. We are marked as Christ own forever. We are called to live embodied lives- lives in our human fleshy bodies carrying out the work and life of the kingdom of God- flesh AND spirit. 

You know what I find so tricky about living by the Spirit is that it often goes just like Jesus says to Nicodemus “The wind blows where it chooses, and your hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.” Being born of the Spirit is not a one and done occurrence. Being born of the spirit is a surrendering to God’s will in our lives over and over again. Being born of the Spirit gives us the courage to moment by moment go where the Spirit chooses. We may hear whispers of the spirit, yet we do not know exactly where it comes from or where it will take us. Most of us humans want a lot more control that this in our lives. We want answers. We want road maps with clear destinations. Following the Spirit is much more like the wise men following the star. They just knew they had to go. They had a star to follow. That is it. Sometimes God gives us a gift to express in the world, God gives us a nugget to chew on as the next right thing. Oftentimes we do not know where the next right thing will take us, we only know, can see that “this” is the next right thing. 

I always wanted to believe that if I surrendered to God’s will and followed the Spirit, I would be safe. I wouldn’t get hurt. Signing up to follow the star would ensure safety and protection from a loving God. My experience is that life happens and has a LOT of curveballs. The choppier the waves, the more turbulent the air, the more control I want. I want certainty I won’t get hurt. I want off the ride! I want stability. I want to stop moving! Allowing ourselves to be in the flow of a loving God, to allow the wind of the Spirit to blow our lives, our hearts, our beings where it chooses is a whole lot of surrender. It requires a whole lot of trusting our loving God. Some days I have it by grace. Some days I just don’t have it in me to trust that much. Luckily God’s favor and goodness, love towards me doesn’t require my 100% capacity and capability of trusting.

As we live into the wilderness season of Lent I wonder what God is calling us into by way of flesh and spirit? How might we more fully live into an embodied faith where we allow our physical life here on earth to be directed by the breath of the Holy Spirit. A life that stays open enough at any given moment for the wind to take us where the Advocate chooses even though we may be tempted at any given moment to put our trust in something or someone other than God. Blessings on this week, friends. By the grace of God may we claim our flesh in new and life giving ways and have the courage to follow the breath, wind, sounds of the Spirit.