It’s pretty easy to understand and even appreciate why people dread Ash Wednesday and the season of Lent as a whole. We use the word “sin” more in this liturgy than maybe any other Episcopal liturgy. And frankly as Episcopalians the word “sin” itself can make us a little queasy and uncomfortable. I think at times we don’t even think of the word associated with the Episcopal faith anymore. “Sin” is something other denominations talk about. And, though we don’t emphasize sin, hell and damnation in the Episcopal Church, the season of Lent gives an excellent, soulful, even Spirit-filled opportunity to do just that- focus on “sin”: all the ways we turn away from a loving God, the ways we find ourselves unworthy of connection to and with a loving God, all the ways we disconnect and even try to hide from our loving God.
This season calls us, invites us into a period of observation, noticing, looking around, and taking stock in our lives, our hearts and our connection or lack there of with our loving God. The prayer book uses these words we’ll hear soon- “I invite you, therefore, in the name of the Church, to the observance of a holy Lent” then the liturgy describes how we go about this observance “by self-examination and repentance, by prayer, fasting, and self-denial; and by reading and meditating on God’s holy Word.” This does not reflect our fast-food, feel good fast culture.
After we receive ashes to remind us of how we began and to what we will return- dust, we read psalm 51 and kneeling move through a very, very long litany of penitence. Friends, we are going to confess everything we can possibly come up with in thought, word, and deed…
We have not loved God with our whole heart, mind, and strength.
We haven’t loved our neighbors.
We’ve likely been falling down on loving ourselves as Christ loves us.
We haven’t forgiven others even though we’ve been forgiven by a loving God.
We have been deaf to God’s call in our lives to serve.
We confess our pride, hypocrisy, and impatience.
Our self-indulgent ways
How we have exploited others.
Our anger and envy
Our love of worldly good and comforts
Our dishonesty
Our negligence in maintain and upkeep of our souls, our faith, our hearts.
For our waste and pollution of God’s creation and our lack of concern for those who come after us.
For our prejudice and contempt towards those different from us.
Now our minds may quickly try to justify how we have done the “good things” and not done the “bad things.” And, that is the sign of a healthy mind protecting us from what could be painful work. The invitation, however, asks us to go deeper, to put aside the justifying and what we have done and take a deeper look at what we haven’t done or what we’ve done that doesn’t resonate with our faith.
This is a lot to look at in one foul swoop! And, yet, stay with me… it is so very, very good for us to go through this exercise together. It’s all right there in the prayer book, oodles and oodles of actions and inactions, attitudes, words spoken and words merely thought that have separated us from our loving God. This work will bring into the light all these sources of guilt and maybe even shame if we’re honest.
The reality is that we move so fast in our lives that we don’t regularly stop and take stock, allow ourselves the humble act of self-examination to get a clear view of how we are living our lives. Are we living in sync with a loving God? Are we professing one thing and living another? How much are we aligned with our faith day in and day out? Society and culture keep us moving so fast that there is no time, no space (mentally, emotionally, physically) to slow down enough to ask these questions. And, yet, most of us would likely share with each other or quietly in our hearts that this is the meaning of our lives, this is the very foundation from which we think we are living as Christians: our goal is to live in harmony with a loving God and seek and serve God’s will in our lives. But, do we ever stop to ask if that is what we’re actually doing? Lent is our chance!
So, I think we need to reframe Ash Wednesday and Lent. Lent is not the holy season of beating up on ourselves by noting everything we are doing wrong. Lent isn’t the dreaded season of self flagellation, nor is God wanting to beat up on us either! It’s not the season of guilt and shame though those may be roads we have to pass through between now and Easter but guilt and shame are not the destination.
Rather, Lent is the season of getting HONEST, getting CLEAR. Lent is the season that society says doesn’t matter and our souls beg to differ. Lent is a big fat permission slip TO SLOW DOWN and take stock of your life, your heart, your faith, your connection or disconnection with a loving God. Lent is the very season that may save your soul and by that I mean rightsize your current life and empower you to live in the flow of a loving God. Without the hard work of self examination during this season in the wilderness, you may never be able to put your finger on what isn’t working in your life, hear the whispers of the Spirit leading you into the new life God is calling you into. You may completely miss out on being set free from that which binds you and living a Resurrected Life.
The season of Lent calls for RIGOROUS HONESTY. The more honest you are willing to be about what is working and not working in your life and connection with a loving God, the more God has room to set you free from what binds you. Isn’t that what we are all after, freedom in God?! I’ve gotten clear it’s what I am after and what I pray for all of you as well.
The trick is that rigorous honesty is painful. It is hard to walk into the wilderness of our lives and start honestly looking around as to what is there and what is not there. The very things we’ve kept hidden from ourselves, from others and tried to hide from God are the very things that need to come to light. These hidden things are usually the things that we’re ashamed of, that we wish didn’t reside in our hearts, and yet these things are the very things from which God is trying to set us free.
That is why as we enter the season of Lent it is paramount that we remember with whom we are trying to align and what we’re doing all this arduous work for in the first place. We pray psalm 51 starting “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your loving-kindness; in your great compassion blot out my offenses.” The God calling us into deeper relationship, friends, is our God of mercy, loving-kindness, and great compassion. The God who calls Jesus his beloved and as heirs us as well. We are God’s beloved. The surest way to to live in a place of being God’s beloved is cultivating the center of our being to reflect The One who loves us unconditionally.
Mark Nepo in his book Finding Inner Courage starts off by saying “the word courage comes from the Latin cor, which literally means heart. The original use of the word courage means to stand by one’s core.” The holy season of Lent invites us into a time of reflection, a journey into our core to see what our core is and how we might stand more closely with our core. Matthew makes it clear that wherever our treasure is, there are heart can be found also.
When we allow ourselves true honesty, a level of honesty that makes us a little nervous and unsettled in our being, we know we are getting somewhere on the journey. That sense of nervousness and dis-ease is a flag. Though it feels scary, it is a gift. Whoop! I’ve hit something! I’ve found something I may be making more important than my relationship with a loving God. Ouch. Pinch. Rub. Not fun. And, it’s just the kind of divine gift we are after in the wilderness. Our job is to notice what is honestly there so we can see it, be with it, acknowledge it is there, accept it is there and by the grace of God begin to go through the task of trusting God enough to remove it and set us free from how it binds us so that God is our true core, the deepest treasure in our heart.
Now don’t come back to me in a couple weeks and say, “You didn’t say it was going to be hard.” I will be honest and clear with you… this is hard work, friends. This honestly moving through the wilderness of our hearts and searching for what gets in the way of our relationships with a loving God is tough and rough work, and it is what we are called to do this season. Frankly, I think we would benefit from doing Lent in September too or any other month for that matter.
We prayed a collect at the beginning of this service, and the words that moved from our lips were “Create and make in us new and contrite hearts.” In psalm 51 we will say together “create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me now away from your presence and take not your holy spirit from me. Give me the joy of your saving help again and sustain me with your bountiful Spirit.” These three verses of Psalm 51 are my deepest and most frequent prayer. When we acknowledge this deep hunger within all of us for our hearts to be made new and a renewed spirit to breathe through us, we are beginning the journey of being honest about what we treasure and what we hope to find at our core, our hearts.
Jesus shares all this advice concerning almsgiving, prayer, and fasting in this gospel reading from Matthew to point out that it doesn’t matter what other people think of us. We don’t go through these tasks of Lent to boast our pride, to defend our worthiness, our righteousness with others. We move through these disciplines of self examination and repentance, prayer, fasting, and self-denial, reading and meditating on God’s holy Word to draw us ever closer to our loving God. That’s it. It’s not for pride or bragging rights or to deem ourselves worthy. God deemed us worthy of love and belonging as our birthright and marked and sealed it in our Baptism.
The task of Lent, my friends, is a holy and gracious work of becoming aware of what gets in the way of connecting and staying in connection with our loving God and asking God to remove it, so that through this process we can get honest about what we treasure and why. My prayer for each of us come Easter is that we may honestly be able to say our heart belongs to God and we may be a bit more empowered to stand ever closer to and claim that core, sharing our treasure with others. Amen.
You can find a 10 minute meditation on Mindful Christians podcast entitled Entering the Wilderness. Use it as often as you wish. This meditation is a practice of grounding and centering in the present moment mindful of how the Holy Spirit is the one leading us into the wilderness of this season.
Blessings on your entry into Lent, the wilderness of our lives and hearts. Caroline